Philippe went out for groceries and returned with a Valentine’s Day bouquet. The mimosa is so bright and cheery!
Flowers galore just a short walk up the block
A French Romance
My French husband loves to tease me. Sometimes when people ask me about why I came to France, he’ll volunteer something to the effect of “she came to get a French husband because she couldn’t find one in the States”. I always reply: “Ha Ha, very funny, I came to France because there were simply too many guys pursuing me in the States.”
The truth is that I came to France with nary a thought of snatching a French husband. Never once did it occur to me that I would meet a Frenchman I would marry and stay with the rest of my life.
Just goes to prove that when you’re not looking, you find.
So, although I have written about this elsewhere (notably in my book Joie de Vivre, Secrets of Wining, Dining and Romancing Like the French) since it's Valentine’s Day I’ll tell you the abbreviated story of how I met my French Valentine, Philippe, some fifty years ago.
Romance in a Café
How very French to meet your French husband in a café.
It did indeed happen that way – and it was a set-up! It was August, 1971. I was 26 years old, and de passage in France after a long trip from Mexico on a freighter via Colombia, the Canary Islands, and Spain. Next destination, I decided, would be Argentina.
When I announced I had plans to leave, my “kind of a boyfriend” Pierre told me that he would like to have me meet his old friend Philippe while I was still in Paris. (Little did I know that Pierre had told Philippe about me and they had agreed that if Philippe liked me, Pierre would not object - of course he wouldn’t since he was trying to get rid of me!).
And so it was that the three of us met at Le Select, the well-known café-restaurant in Montparnasse that was an internationally known hub for writers and artists in the 1920s and 30s.
About three minutes after arrival and introductions, Pierre suddenly looked at his watch, announced that he had to leave and skipped out on us.
So there I was all alone with a perfect stranger. A slim, handsome, intelligent looking man with beautiful blue eyes…and a downcast expression and frown. Oh dear!
Fifteen minutes, I told myself. I’ll be polite for fifteen minutes, and then I’m out of here.
One hour later, I was still very much there, chortling and chuckling at every word that came out of Monsieur French Frown’s mouth. I didn’t know if it was what he said or because his funny remarks were out of sync with the expression on his face. A faux curmudgeon, I decided.
A faux curmudgeon whose deadpan humor caught me off guard. I love to laugh and he made me laugh. He even laughed every once in a while which I considered a victory.
I knew things were serious when he invited me to meet his family. Fortunately, I liked them and they liked me and that, in spite of communication challenges. They spoke no English and my French was limited, to stay the least.
Two years later we were married at the Mairie du 5eme arrondissement. Then there were children… and grandchildren. And here we are, still together after 53 years of marriage and 55 of co-habitation.
November 17, 1973 – Mairie du 5ème arrondissement
I have never regretted marrying my man. No marriage is easy and I always used to say, like the late Princess Diana, that there were three of us in mine – him, me and our cultural differences. Those differences were not easy to understand or overcome - which is why I wrote three books about them - but we worked at it. “Work” and “compromise” and perhaps sheer luck seem to be keywords for a long and successful marriage. But the most important is love. I’ m happy to tell young people reading this that, in our case at least, love does not die as time goes on. It grows..and grows.
Just recently, we were going over that first rendez-vous at Le Select. I mused on what would have happened if I had just made some lame excuse and left - or if he had. “You, at least, knew about all this because you had planned the whole thing out with Pierre,” I said. A pause and then he said: “I knew I was going to meet Pierre’s friend. I had no idea that he was going to leave.” Turns out that he was surprised by that as I was.
And we’re both glad we stayed!
Avant de conclure – tip of the day
In many of my books and articles, I have written about how one little word can change your life in France - even if you speak almost zero French. That word (I am sure you have guessed it already) is “Bonjour”. You say “Bonjour” to the bus driver, the ticket lady, the shopkeeper, anyone you are asking directions of, and in general, almost everyone except total strangers in the street. It’s even better if you say “Bonjour, Madame” or “Bonjour, Monsieur”.
Why is that “Bonjour” so crucial? Why do so many foreigners get it wrong?
It’s an ongoing cultural gap. I “discovered” it way back in the 70s, and admit that I am surprised that newcomers to France are still talking about it today. What does this mean? Is it really that strange to say “Hello”? Don’t we do at in the States? Or is it because we are used to the universal Hello (Hi, guys) and not the particular one to a particular person? And anyway, what’s the big deal about having to say “Bonjour”? Is it some kind of law?
Obviously not. But it is a cultural phenomenon to respect. And there is a reason for it. The reason the French place such importance on “Bonjour” is that they seek connections, acknowledgement and visibility. If you enter a shop and don’t say “Bonjour” you are effectively erasing the shopkeeper! You haven’t SEEN him or her.
So, if you want to fit in to life in France, a simple “Bonjour” or “Bonjour, Monsieur” or “Bonjour, Madame” will do the trick.
The only improper “Bonjour” is “Bonjour Msieur/Dame”. Don’t even go there.
Thank you for reading this post. If you liked it, don’t hesitate to recommend it!
And for more on France and the French and my wonderful life in France, do read my books. Here’s the link: https://www.amazon.com/stores/Harriet-Welty-Rochefort/author/
A bientôt!
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Why not Bonjour M’sieu/Dame?
This is wonderful! Look at that smile!